Thankful Journal - Days 15-21

Day Fifteen: I am thankful for my rambunctious, sensitive, sweet, rough and tumble boys! I don't always understand them, after all, I am female, but I am so glad to have learned what being the mother of a boy is like. I hope to always have a close relationship with them, and to get to watch them raise their own children someday.

Day Sixteen: I am thankful for those rare moments of absolute quiet. With four children, these moments are few and far between, but it just makes me treasure them more. I know one day I will wish there were fewer moments of silence, so I will try and enjoy the busy, constant motion that is life right now :-)

Day Seventeen: After having two wonderful boys, I am thankful for the opportunity to be a mama to girls as well. I am thankful for my mischievous toddler who loves tea parties and picnics, playing dress up and loving her baby doll. She amazes me with her ability to understand everything I say (scary sometimes), and I love that she says "oooohhhhh" whenever I have anything sparkly or pretty on. I am also thankful for my sweet, smiley, snuggly baby girl. She is a true joy to have as a fourth child :-)

Day Eighteen: I am thankful for the friendships God has put in my life throughout the years. He knows just what I need in friends :-) I am so thankful for people who genuinely care about me and my kids, and put up with me.

 Day Nineteen: I am thankful for my two month old (today) sweet baby. I am also thankful for the family I gained when I married my sweet hubby. They are so sweet and loving and have been a blessing in my life for the last 13 years!

 Day Twenty: I am thankful for the ability to decorate my home as I choose. After having been renter's for a decade, owning a home is the best! We are painting and renovating, and I can move furniture whenever I please. It is so nice to make a place feel cozy and fit our needs!

 Day Twenty-One: I am thankful for a clean house, though I rarely have one, and for the ability to clean my house, though I may not want to. I am thankful for a warm meal with my entire family, and a sweet treat to spoil them after a long day :-)

This is the stuff

So, I have this song that seems to be the theme song of my life these days. You can hear it here:
http://grooveshark.com/#/album/This+Is+The+Stuff/5816119 .  
I find myself constantly struggling with the "stuff" of life. There are so many things that happen on a daily basis in the life of a mom that can change the entire direction of the day, and they are truly little things when I compare them to all that is going on around me, but they are enough to trip me. 
 One of the reasons I am posting the thankful journals is to help me focus on my blessings and not on the "stuff". I forget where I have been, and what blessings I have been given until I stop and let myself be quiet for a minute. I was sitting in my kitchen this afternoon in one of those rare moments of complete silence in my house (VERY RARE), and I noticed the leaves falling from the trees in the backyard. Each leaf floats down from the tree in a different pattern than the last, and it gently comes to rest on the ground. Sometimes I forget to let God hold me as I step off the edge of whatever circumstance I face, and I feel like I am free-falling at a rapid pace toward the ground. If I will only let God have control and completely trust Him, He will make sure I gently float to my destination. I know it won't always feel that way, but it is the reality. 
Our home is a reminder of God's amazing provision. We never thought we would own a home, or at least not for several more years, and here we are, homeowners for almost 3 years. Once I let go of trying to control the way we got a home, it came easily, and it was perfect for us.
The "stuff" is just that, stuff, nothing more. Not only do I have all I need, I have a lot of what I want. I believe that God is the true picture of a daddy, He wants to give us the things we need, but He delights in giving us more than that. He knows us, He made us, so He knows the things that speak to us, whether it is a picture, a special chair, or a home with a lot of windows to let the sunshine in and give me a place to watch the seasonal changes that reflect His awesome love. Isn't it amazing that He loves each of us individually so much that He takes the time to fill the places of our soul that we might ignore or push to the back for lack of time? 
So, when I get bogged down in the stuff, I need to remember that my daddy loves me so much, He even cares if the stuff bothers me, and He has given me blessings too numerous to count if I will only look for them.

Thankful Journal - Days 8 - 14

Day Eight: I have already posted about the trees this month, but I am thankful that we as humans have such a finite memory that we (or at least I) are surprised every year by the colors of the seasons. When you think about the changes that are occurring to make the beautiful displays we see, it boggles my mind at the wonders of our God. And just think, if He put that much effort and thought into the plants, what amount of thought and creativity He used when creating each of us. There is no way one can look at the colors of fall and not believe in a Divine, Inspired and Thoughtful Creator!

Day Nine: I am thankful for flavored coffee drinks on my nightstand when I wake up (thank you Shaun Ryan). I am thankful for a refrigerator full of food and warm soup on a fall day to fill my family's bellies.

 Day Ten: I am thankful for good friends to spend the day with, a new, beautiful new roof on our home and dinner with family. I am thankful for a father who knows everything there is to know about cars, Terry Meeler, and who is willing to spend time figuring out what is wrong with mine :-)

Day Eleven: I am thankful for those who have served our country and protected our freedom, including my grandfather Richard Overgard and Shaun's grandfather Walter Raleigh Dryman. I am also thankful for the families who lose time and sometimes the lives of those soldiers protecting our country. Thank you to all of you!

Day Twelve: I am thankful for weekends when my hubby gets to be home, for friends who get ME, and for family in general. I am thankful that my kids have and have gotten to know their great-grandparents, and that we have such a wonderful support network in place for us in good times and bad.

Day Thirteen: I am thankful for those things that some people would call luxuries. Soft fluffy pillows, and clean sheets, a variety of food to choose from any time I have the desire to eat, warm heat for cold mornings and cool air on hot days.

Day Fourteen: I am thankful for the opportunity to be a mommy, for baby smiles and little eyes that light up when they see me, and hugs and sloppy kisses, and the constant use of the word "mama". I am thankful that I get to experience parenthood times four, and that each child comes with different lessons to learn.

 

Should I be paying attention?

So, there has been a reoccurring message resonating from various places the last couple of weeks, and I am wondering if I should be paying attention. I had better start with a little history, but I will try not to be long winded. As far back as I can remember, I have had trouble with self-esteem.  Yes, a common problem with girls, me included. It was only made worse by my tendency to be "myself" as a kid, and then compounded by my parents divorce in my preteen years. Basically, I just couldn't believe that I was good enough, or that anyone could love the real me for who I was, even a God I believed was all loving.
For years I struggled with my relationship with God, I do now, but I could never understand why I didn't feel the way others seemed to feel about this wonderful Father we had. I believed in Him, I knew how good He was, and that He loved us, and made the ultimate sacrifice of sending His son, so why was I struggling? The answer, which I discovered through a lot of heartache and tears, was that as much as I believed in this awesome God, I couldn't bring myself to believe that I was loveable or enough just as I was for Him to accept me.
Fast forward to me becoming a wife and then a mother, two roles where I need to know that I am loved for me as well, and I am right back where I was so many years ago.
So, what does this have to do with the reoccurring message I keep getting?
Well, this past weekend I was at an event, and the speaker talked about our worth and what God says in His Word about who we really are to Him. As she was quoting scripture, I found myself wondering why I had never heard many of them, or if I just hadn't been listening. I can't remember which scripture it was, and I really wish I could, but at one point she said something to the effect of God loving us as we are right now, not for the hats we wear or the roles we play, but just for who we are.  She said he delights in us, and the word delights struck a cord. I know what delighting in someone is, I have four children, and I find myself feeling delighted quite often by them.
Then  today I was thinking about the fall colors and the sheer amount of thought that God had to put into just the trees to get such a magnificent display for our enjoyment. He didn't have to do that for productivity or because it was necessary. I really think the colors of fall are just His way of taking sheer pleasure from His creation. And if God put that amount of effort into the trees, and takes such pleasure from them, why wouldn't we be even more treasured and loved?
I was listening to Focus on the Family in the car this afternoon on the way to pick up the boys from school, and one thing the speaker said really got to me. She was talking about parenting and listening to our kids, and she said that until she realized her worth with God, she was unable to teach her children how to truly be in love with Jesus. I was struck by the thought that this was where I was struggling. I mean, how am I going to parent these kids and really show them that God loves them unconditionally when I don't really believe that about myself.
You're probably wondering why this was such a big deal for me, and I had to stop and think about it. I thought I had accepted that God loved me, and that I was enough, but I hadn't and haven't. Apparently God is fully aware of that fact too because He is making it quite clear that I need to pay attention. I am not quite sure how this is going to change, but I know the thankfulness postings are making me stop and think about the wonder around us, and I know I am going to be looking up some more verses about how God feels about us. Maybe I CAN be the example for my kids. I want them to have an awesome relationship with God and want to follow after Him with everything they are, and I want to be the parent they deserve.

Thankful Journal - Days 1 - 7

I am going to copy many of the posts I have already had on FB, so bear with me if you have already read them there.

Day One: I am thankful for a warm home that is relatively quiet and peaceful. I am thankful my husband only closes a few nights a week, and is home and willing to help at dinner time when things get chaotic. I am thankful for friends that let me spend the whole day with them despite the fact that they had other plans (like a shower) ;-).

Day Two: I am thankful for the beautiful sunshine that warms my home. I am thankful for music for Fallon and I to dance to. I am thankful for friends who drop by to visit and bring lunch, Dana Deaton. I am thankful for awesome grandparents, Richard Overgard and Janet Gnos Overgard, who spend time with my children and I and treat us to dinner so I don't have to cook!

 Day Three: I am thankful for the extra sleep I get when my husband, Shaun Ryan is off and takes the kids to school. I am thankful for God's provision, especially when it is a complete surprise! I am thankful for the ability to visit with friends.

 Day Four: I am thankful that I am able to hold a six week old infant because she won't sleep otherwise. I am thankful the shower can wait, and that I have people who love me enough not to mention that I missed said shower :-) I am thankful for the beautiful fall colors God put on the trees, as they make even a gray day beautiful. I am thankful for Girl's Night Out, and the anticipation building up to them, especially those that I leave feeling built up and encouraged. Thank you Joy Mills Haynes for hosting tonight's Holidays Honoring Him! Now to go pick up that six week old who isn't sleeping.......

 Day Five: I am thankful for hot tea, cold and cough medicine and warm blankets. I am thankful for two wonderful boys who are willing to vacuum and clean up when I ask them to, and I am thankful for a husband who LIKES to do the dishes!

Day Six: I am thankful for the freedom to choose where I worship God, whether it is at a wonderful church or at home with praise music when I have all four kids by myself, one of them being a non stop nursing baby who wouldn't allow me to be in a service anyway. I am thankful for a home with lots of windows to let the sunshine and warmth flood our home. I am thankful for warm dinners with the whole family, and freshly bathed children in pajamas saying prayers and snuggling before bed.

Day Seven: I am thankful that the boys have a school to go to where I feel they are safe and loved. They are able to learn, interact with friends and enjoy their teachers in an environment that nurtures them and encourages their love for Jesus. Thank you Rejoice! Academy and Performing Arts Center for allowing our family to be a part of your educational family!

 

Why I am doing this

So, I decided like many others on Facebook and elsewhere to post something I was thankful everyday for the month of November. After a few days, I really wanted to see the effect that reflecting on what I was thankful for everyday for a year would have on me and those around me. I am still not sure whether to post each day separately, or to combine them and add my expanded thoughts when I have them. Combine that desire with a very real desire to write letters to my children on a regular basis (something I have been meaning to do since Ian was born and have failed at numerous times), and this blog was born. Now, to keep at it!

The hope is that if I am doing this in an online setting, and if I have a few followers I know are counting on me, or holding me accountable, I may just keep this up. So, friends and family, this is your permission to comment on posts, and to make me feel suitably guilty when I fail to add thoughts for an extended period of time. Just know that my hope is to eventually print many of these posts for my children to have in later years.